Apr18
Seth: In an effort to set a new record a three year old girl in China walked on a tightrope above six tigers at a local zoo and the only way that story ended well is if she fell in and the tigers raised her instead of her terrible parents.
Saturday Night Live 35.19 - “Ryan Phillipe/Kesha”
Guy 1: You guys know how I love to go online and masturbate on chatroulette while I’m at work right? And how I love to see the look on people’s faces when they find me? Well, my boss caught me.
Guy 2: No, that’s terrible, do you think you’ll get fired?
Guy 1: I doubt it, they’ll probably just transfer me to another parish.
Saturday Night Live 35.19 - “Ryan Phillipe/Kesha”
Mar19
Screens from 30 Rock, 4.15, “Don Geiss, America and Hope” (via reddit)
Pierce: My shoelace came untied, it could’ve happened to anybody.
Shirley: Oh that’s your excuse? Britta weighs five pounds, Troy can’t swim and I’ve never even seen the ocean.
Troy: Uh, I can swim, racist.
Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”
Jeff: Have you taken many pottery classes?
Rich: No this is my first.
Jeff: Of the year?
Rich: Ever.
Jeff: No pottery at doctor school?
Rich: Medical school?
Jeff: Pottery school.
Rich: Pottery school?
Jeff: Oh, pottery school, how long?
Rich: You know, Jeff, it’s kind of weird, I feel like I’m being interrogated but by someone who doesn’t really want to know anything important.
Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”
Professor Slaughter: I don’t see students here, I see seamen. I didn’t create them but the moment you climbed aboard I saw seamen inside you. More importantly, you’ve stopped giggling at the word ‘seamen’ and that’s the mark of a real seaman.
Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”
Feb15
Bob Costas: It appears Team Sweden will clinch the gold, and they are over the moon with joy.
Team Sweden Guy: Joy is but the shadow pain casts.
The Simpsons 21.12 - “Boy Meets Curl”
Skinner: It’s called Curling. Players slide the heavy stones toward the circle, or ‘house’, as teammates control the direction and speed of the stone by sweeping in front of it with a special broom.
Homer: Marge, this is perfect for both of us, it’s got bowling for me and sweeping for you.
The Simpsons 21.12 - “Boy Meets Curl”
![Homer: We came here to enjoy the movie and we’re going to enjoy the movie. [“Starring Ben Affleck” appears on screen] We’re out of here.
The Simpsons 21.12 - “Boy Meets Curl”](http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxw9m9gf4a1qzjcnfo1_r1_500.jpg)
Homer: We came here to enjoy the movie and we’re going to enjoy the movie. [“Starring Ben Affleck” appears on screen] We’re out of here.
The Simpsons 21.12 - “Boy Meets Curl”
![Brian: I just think you’re being taken for a ride Lois, like a snail on the back of a turtle.[cut to a snail on the back of a turtle]Snail: Slow down! I want to get there but I want to get there alive!
Family Guy 8.12 - “Extra Large Medium”](http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxw9g29MyZ1qzjcnfo1_500.jpg)
Brian: I just think you’re being taken for a ride Lois, like a snail on the back of a turtle.
[cut to a snail on the back of a turtle]
Snail: Slow down! I want to get there but I want to get there alive!
Family Guy 8.12 - “Extra Large Medium”
