Oct9
Michael: They asked for cash but, you know, I give them cash every week so how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.
The Office 6.04 - “Niagara”
Oct2
Oscar: Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents, a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the Popes?
The Office 6.03 - “The Promotion”
Dwight: I deserved that promotion, not Jim. Oh man, makes me want to put him in a triangle chokehold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing, and then flip him over and then put him in a hammerlock! And he’s gasping, he’s paniced for every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy! And boom, I emerge victorious! Haha! Eighteen-thousand dollars and a chance at the title!
The Office 6.03 - “The Promotion”
Dwight: I’d like to lodge a complaint.
Jim: I’m sorry to hear about that, who is this about?
Dwight: You.
Jim: Ok, I just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously so, when did this happen?
Dwight: One minute ago.
Jim: Ok, and how do you feel?
Dwight: Angry.
Jim: Alright, did he hit you?
Dwight: No.
Jim: Did you cry?
Dwight: No!
Jim: Did you feel like crying?
Dwight: No!
Jim: I’m just gonna write ‘held back tears’.
Dwight: Wait, stop writing that, that is not true!
Jim: If you stop crying, I’ll stop writing it.
The Office 6.03 - “The Promotion”
Sep26
PARKOUR, PARKOUR!
Jim: This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004, and it was in one of the Bond films. It’s pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible. So technically, they are doing parkour, as long as point A is ‘delusion’ and point B is ‘the hospital’.
- The Office US, 6x01, Gossip
Aug27
(via tvquotes)
Michael: I’m gonna toss the ball, and when you catch the ball, I want you to say the name of somebody. Somebody really important to you, somebody really special who died. And you may cry, if you like, that is encouraged …
Pam: Let’s see. I had an aunt that I was really close to. She was this amazing female boxer. Anyway, she was injured in a fight and she was paralyzed. So you can imagine how upset I was when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube so she could die.
Michael: Wow. If you want to cry, that’s ok.
Ryan: A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa, and um, my cousin Moufasa was, um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts. And, um, we all took it really hard. All of us, kind of in the audience of what happened.
Michael: Do you want to talk about it anymore?
Ryan: Oh, it would probably take another hour and a half to tell that whole story.
Kevin: Me me me me me. YES. Ok, I was trying to throw this party with my friends and everyone was over for the weekend. And then my uncle Bernie died so me and my best friend, we had to pretend like he was alive.
Michael: Wait a second. That’s weekend at Bernie’s.
Aug22
Michael: Pam, did you see Oprah yesterday?
Pam: No, I didn’t
Michael: I, uh, I’m going to be a father
Pam: What was Oprah about?
Michael: Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia and she said it changed her life and that really inspired me. So I want you to look in to see how much a little Chinese baby would cost.
Pam: That’s a really big decision
Michael: I know!
Pam: Maybe you should wait. Before you adopt. Or not adopt.
Michael: Just do it, ok?
Pam: My sister looked into it, and the application alone cost $10,000
Michael: Um, find out if there’s a cheaper — less expensive — baby out there, ok?
Pam: You know, she also said the waiting list is like eight months
Michael: Eight months?! I don’t even know if I’ll want a baby in eight months
Pam: You probably won’t
Aug18
‘Family Guy’ mocks ‘The Office’ in Emmy video (via The Live Feed)
