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Bomb Disposal Robot Operator: I’m just having a couple problems with it.
Moss: What kind of operating system does it use?
Bomb Disposal Robot Operator: Uh, Vista.
Moss: We’re going to die!

The IT Crowd 4.05 - “Bad Boys”

Moss: I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I’ve just finished my milk.

The IT Crowd 4.02 - “The Final Countdown”

“Louis: I know that even if it’s nice, it’s going to lead to shit.  I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back, you’ve just decided that something shitty is going to happen.  You might have a nice couple of dates but then she’ll stop calling you back and that’ll feel shitty.  Or you’ll date for a long time and then she’ll have sex with one of your friends or you will with one of hers and that’ll be shitty.  Or you’ll get married and it wont work out and you’ll get divorced and split your friends and money and that’s horrible.  Or you’ll meet the perfect person who you love infinitely and you even argue well and you grow together and you have children and then you get old together and then she’s gonna die.  That’s the best case scenario, is that you’re gonna lose your best friend and then just walk home from D’Agastino’s with heavy bags every day and wait for your turn to be nothing also.”

Louie 1.01 - “Pilot”

Screens from 30 Rock, 4.15, “Don Geiss, America and Hope” (via reddit)

Pierce: My shoelace came untied, it could’ve happened to anybody.
Shirley: Oh that’s your excuse?  Britta weighs five pounds, Troy can’t swim and I’ve never even seen the ocean.
Troy: Uh, I can swim, racist.

Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”

Jeff: Have you taken many pottery classes?
Rich: No this is my first.
Jeff: Of the year?
Rich: Ever.
Jeff: No pottery at doctor school?
Rich: Medical school?
Jeff: Pottery school.
Rich: Pottery school?
Jeff: Oh, pottery school, how long?
Rich: You know, Jeff, it’s kind of weird, I feel like I’m being interrogated but by someone who doesn’t really want to know anything important.

Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”

Professor Slaughter: I don’t see students here, I see seamen.  I didn’t create them but the moment you climbed aboard I saw seamen inside you.  More importantly, you’ve stopped giggling at the word ‘seamen’ and that’s the mark of a real seaman.

Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”

Shirley: I’ve never been a Captain before.
Pierce: I have, I commanded a jetski through an electrical storm, only had one casualty.
Troy: Jetskis only hold two people.
Pierce: Exactly, I saved half the crew.

Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”

Abed: Jeff’s competitive side had come out before, he had even displayed envy, but on that first day of Pottery class he discovered—
Jeff: Abed.
Abed: Yeah?
Jeff: What did we discuss?
Abed: No voice-over, I’m sorry, it is kind of a crutch.

Community 1.19 - “Beginner Pottery”

Bob Costas: It appears Team Sweden will clinch the gold, and they are over the moon with joy.
Team Sweden Guy: Joy is but the shadow pain casts.

The Simpsons 21.12 - “Boy Meets Curl”