Feb11
![Gloria: You think I’m so shallow that I’m going to leave you when you’re old. What if I gain a hundred pounds, you going to leave me then?Jay: [pauses] No!Gloria: What’s with the pause?!Jay: Well it’s not exactly fair, I have to get old, you don’t have to get fat.
Modern Family 1.15 - “My Funky Valentine”](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxp0crvWLs1qzjcnfo1_500.jpg)
Gloria: You think I’m so shallow that I’m going to leave you when you’re old. What if I gain a hundred pounds, you going to leave me then?
Jay: [pauses] No!
Gloria: What’s with the pause?!
Jay: Well it’s not exactly fair, I have to get old, you don’t have to get fat.
Modern Family 1.15 - “My Funky Valentine”
Mitchell: This is so frustrating. I had one of the greatest closing arguments of all time. All about the big government rolling over the little guy and I even had this great moment at the end where I would point to the state seal and I’d say, “SHAME!”
Cameron: Oh, that’s what you were doing in the shower, I was a little worried.
Modern Family 1.15 - “My Funky Valentine”
Feb4
Gloria: You’re like everyone else, you blame the latino driver. Where I come from they always blame the latino driver.
Mitchell: Where you come from isn’t everybody a latino driver?
Modern Family 1.14 - “Moon Landing”
Alex: What’s Jägermeister?
Phil: Um, well you know how in a fairytale there’s always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well this is like that except you don’t wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.
Modern Family 1.14 - “Moon Landing”
![Phil: [to camera] Do people want their real estate advice from someone who leads or someone who follows? I’m betting these babies are coming back in a big way—buy low, sell high. People are going to see this and say, “That guy’s high.”
Modern Family 1.14 - “Moon Landing”](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxbxtkKOK01qzjcnfo1_500.jpg)
Phil: [to camera] Do people want their real estate advice from someone who leads or someone who follows? I’m betting these babies are coming back in a big way—buy low, sell high. People are going to see this and say, “That guy’s high.”
Modern Family 1.14 - “Moon Landing”
Claire: I wanted to focus on raising a family so I married your Dad.
Phil: And five months later we were…four months away from having this little bundle of joy.
Modern Family 1.14 - “Moon Landing”
Jan21
Claire: I have an idea, let’s invite the gang from CNet over and your old buddies from cheerleading and we can have a nerd party.
Phil: Ling is not a nerd, he built his own helicopter and if he was alive today—
Claire: Sweetie let’s not talk about Ling, it upsets you too much.
Modern Family 1.13 - “Fifteen Percent”
![Claire: I had a 4.0 in college, how about you?Phil: I was almost that despite my substantial time commitment to cheerleading.Claire: I thought we agreed not to bring up the cheerleading.Phil: [to camera] Cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous they wouldn’t even let me and my buddies—Trevor, Scotty, and Ling—go to their parties.
Modern Family 1.13 - “Fifteen Percent”](http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwm16fGaZ01qzjcnfo1_500.jpg)
Claire: I had a 4.0 in college, how about you?
Phil: I was almost that despite my substantial time commitment to cheerleading.
Claire: I thought we agreed not to bring up the cheerleading.
Phil: [to camera] Cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous they wouldn’t even let me and my buddies—Trevor, Scotty, and Ling—go to their parties.
Modern Family 1.13 - “Fifteen Percent”
Gloria: He’s the only one of your friends that never hits on me.
Jay: My friends hit on you?
Gloria: Yes, all the time but don’t worry, they’re a bunch of harmless old men.
Jay: They’re my age.
Modern Family 1.13 - “Fifteen Percent”
![Whitney: I’ll just be alone for the rest of my life and that’s OK.Gloria: No, don’t say that. In my country there’s a saying that means ‘love is just around the corner’. [to camera] I come from a neighbourhood with a lot of prostitutes.
Modern Family 1.13 - “Fifteen Percent”](http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwm0n5v4LA1qzjcnfo1_500.jpg)
Whitney: I’ll just be alone for the rest of my life and that’s OK.
Gloria: No, don’t say that. In my country there’s a saying that means ‘love is just around the corner’. [to camera] I come from a neighbourhood with a lot of prostitutes.
Modern Family 1.13 - “Fifteen Percent”
