Oct23
Charlie: Bingo, look at this little room.
Frank: It’s a linen closet Charlie.
Charlie: Yeah, they want you to think it’s a linen closet, Frank. Alright, check behind the shelves and shit.
Dee: Why?
Charlie: ‘Cause in Scooby Doo secret tunnels are always behind shelves, there’s gonna be one.
Dennis: Can we not base our decisions on what does or does not happen in episodes of Scooby Doo, godammit!
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.06 - “The World Series Defense”
Mac: Your Honor, let the record show that the three of us do not condone the actions of the two of them.
Judge: The record will show everything, you can stop saying that.
Dee: Are you sure, ‘cause she’s not typing very quickly.
Frank: It’s shorthand, she’s getting the gist.
Mac: I don’t appreciate being paraphrased, I choose my words very deliberately.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.06 - “The World Series Defense”
Frank: Put some of that on my bug bites.
Dennis: We’re not gonna be wasting our fine grain alcohol on goddamn bugbites, idiots.
Mac: Yeah, we need it for pregaming, I’m not watching this game sober.
Dennis: No, what do you want, to remember it?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.06 - “The World Series Defense”
Oct9
Donna: How did you get in my house? Did you kick in my door?
Mac: Kick, yes. Kick in, no. That door is solid which is the good news. The bad news is the window is not. That’s gonna be a security concern but don’t worry about it, I’m gonna fix it make sure it’s up to snuff. You’re always safe when you’re with me.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.04 - “The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention”
Oct2
Charlie: Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, I could put the trash into a landfill where it’s going to stay for millions of years or I could burn it up and get a nice smokey smell in here and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.
Mac: That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about stars to dispute it.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.03 - “The Great Recession”
Sep20
Mac: Oh, I’m sorry buddy is this house too big for you?
Dennis: Heyyy.
Mac: Just a second, Hugh. Why don’t you ask your wife what she needs? Oh, I’m sorry, she used to something smaller and you don’t think she can handle it?
Wife: Ok, I think we’re going to get going.
Dennis: It’s ok you guys, I’m here, I want this to be a good experience for you.
Mac: I’ll tell you what buddy, how about I take your wife upstairs and show her what it’s like to be deep inside a really big house.
-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 5x01, “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis”
Charlie: Let me handle this Frank, he’s making a few good points. I know a lot about the law and various other lawyerings, I’m well educated, well versed. I know that situations, real estate wise, like this are very complex.
Lawyer: Actually, they’re pretty simple. The forms are all standard, boilerplate.
Charlie: Ok, well, we’re all hungry, we’re going to get to our hotplates soon enough alright. Let’s talk about the contract here.
Lawyer: I’m sorry, where did you go to law school again?
Charlie: Uh, I could ask you that very same question.
Lawyer: I went to Harvard, how about you?
Charlie: I’m pleading the fifth, sir.
Lawyer: I’d advise that you do that.
Charlie: And I’ll take that advice under cooperation, alright. Now what’s say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird law and see who comes out the victor.
Lawyer: You know, I don’t think I’m going to do anything close to that and I can see clearly you know nothing about the law . It seems like you have a tenuous grasp on the English language in general.
Charlie: Ok, well, filibuster.
Lawyer: Do you know what that word means?
Charlie: Yup
Lawyer: Yeah, what’s that?
Charlie: Ahhh!
-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 5x01, “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis”
Dee: What are your thoughts on doubling down so to speak and going for twins?
Kate: Uh, no.
Dee: Well, if it’s a matter of price I’m willing to cut you a deal on the second one. And, we don’t have to stop at two. I’ve typed up a price sheet I would like the two of you to peruse. If you’ll look down around number four or five that’s when you really start to see some savings. You guys want to go for an octomom thing? I’m game. You want to have ten? You want to out-do that bitch? I’ll have that conversation. I’m kidding, I don’t want ten people inside of me.
Sean: This is great, I think we’re really just going to do the one.
-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 5x01, “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis”
Sep18
Mac: It doesn’t matter, we shouldn’t bash these people up.
Dennis: No, no, of course we shouldn’t bash these people up. Look, ok, absolutely we could cave the husband’s skull in here. Yes, we could take the wife down to the basement and have a frenzied free-for-all with her. We could tie the kids up in their little rooms upstairs so they wouldn’t hear any of it.
Mac: In that scenario we’d have to kill the kids cause they would’ve seen our faces.
Dennis: Right, we could smear the walls with their blood, guys. There are any number of twisted scenarios that could play out here but I think the easiest thing really is to just go get the deed.
-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 5x01, “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis”
Charlie: You’re getting hung up on “can’t” and I’m not saying you can’t. I’m saying that it is illegal.
Dennis: No it is not illegal, dude.
Charlie: Says the guy who knows nothing about the law.
Dennis: I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro, it’s no different than having a parrot or a parakeet. Its a bird, bro.
Charlie: You really can’t and I’m not saying I agree with it, its just that bird law in this country is not governed by reason.
Dennis: There’s no such thing as bird law.
Charlie: Yes there is.
Dennis: I’m going to get a hummingbird and I’ll show you.
Charlie: No, hummingbirds are a legal tender, you cannot!
-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 5x01, “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis”
