barnumyay.com

Barney: For you to be an American we gotta get the Canadian out of you. That’s why I have created these questions. Question One: Who is this?
Robin: Queen Elizabeth the second
Barney: No, the answer is Elton John. Question Two: What the hell is this?
Robin: Oh, curling. Um, it’s a sport played by—
Barney: Wrooong. The answer we were looking for was, ‘I don’t care, it’s dumb, let’s go buy something that’s bad for us and then sue the people who made it.’ That’s America, Robin.

How I Met Your Mother 5.05 - “Duel Citizenship”

Barney: It’s not gonna be easy this test. It’s not like the Canadian citizenship test.
Robin: How do you know the Canadian test is easy?
Barney: It’s Canada. Question One, ‘Do you want to be Canadian?’ Question Two, ‘Really?!’

How I Met Your Mother 5.05 - “Duel Citizenship”

Robin: There’s a citizenship test tomorrow, I’ll think about it.
Barney: No, you have to do it! I’ll help you study. We’re gonna stay up all night long, I’m gonna drill you, and then we’re gonna study. No, seriously, we’re gonna do some cramming, and then we’re gonna study. No, seriously, we’re gonna bone up on—
Robin: Ok, Barney.
Barney: Sorry, it’s a rich area.

How I Met Your Mother 5.05 - “Duel Citizenship”

Ted: The most important facial expression of all.
Barney: Whoa.
Ted: Flared nostril ridges, wide unblinking eyes. If you ever, ever, see this face Barney: run. And don’t take a picture of it, she will punch you, and you will cry, for the third time, that night.
Ted & Barney: *shudders*

How I Met Your Mother 5.03 - “Robin 101”

Ted: Wow, you were just like the worst student in the world weren’t you?
Barney: They said I had A.D. something CAN WE HAVE CLASS OUTSIDE??

How I Met Your Mother 5.03 - “Robin 101”

Barney: I’m bored.
Ted: You said you wanted my help.
Barney: Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?
Ted: We did that already.
Barney: No, like really big boobs.
Ted: No.

How I Met Your Mother 5.03 - “Robin 101”

Barney: Hey, what’s wrong?
Robin: It was just one thing after another at work today and then I found out my aunt is in the hospital. I’m just, I’m feeling so overwhelmed and it’s just—-
Barney: Shhhhhh…What you need to do is talk through this stuff.
Robin: Aw, thanks.
Barney: And then, once you’re off the phone with Lily i’ll be down in the bar ready to have sex, mmmkay.

How I Met Your Mother 5.03 - “Robin 101”

Barney: See Marshall, we got to have a bro’s night at a strip club and both of our ladies are totally cool with it.
Robin: I’m not cool with it.
Barney: Because they understand that it’s healthy for us to do that from time to time.
Robin: It’s disgusting.
Barney: Because it’s harmless.
Robin: Did one of your whores tell you that?

-How I Met Your Mother, Episode 5x02, “Double Date”

Doctor: Bad news, Lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder that’s apparently medically legitimate.
Marshall: What? How could this be?
Doctor: Beats me but it says it right here on this doctor’s clipboard that doctors have.

-How I Met Your Mother, Episode 5x02, “Double Date”

(via fuckyeahtvshows)

Marshall: Listen to me, please. Trust me, I’ve been in plenty of fights, it’s really nothing to be proud of.
Ted: Who did you get in a fight with?
Marshall: My brothers.
All: Hahaha!
Barney: Yes, I’m sure it was quite a rumble, in the Eriksen rumpus room!
[flashback]
Marcus: I love brotherly horse-play!
Marshall: Here comes the tickle monster! Hahahaha!
Marvin: Noogie patrol!!
Marshall: Oh! Wait wait wait! Timesies! Timesies! Cocoa break!
[present]
Barney: Woah..slurp…
Ted: Cocoa breeaaak..slurp…

- HIMYM, 4x10, The Fight